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Saturday, February 5, 2011

The tortuous journey called life

6 AM (Alarm goes off): < Tsamina mina eh eh, Waka Waka eh eh....>

6: 30 AM (Snooze): < Tsamina mina eh eh, Waka Waka eh eh....>

7: 00 AM (Snooze again): < Tsamina mina eh eh, Waka Waka eh eh....>

Even Shakira gives up.

9: 47 AM: Rajeev jumped up, eyes wide open, jolted towards the bed side clock, knocked it over , rolled off the bed and finally grabbed it on the floor. With half body on the bed and other half off it, he screams “Oh <censored  beep beep beep> I am going to destroy this <beeeeeep> clock with the <beeeeep> alarm. I’m screwed”.

72 hours ago
Source: www.shutterstock.com


Sam, Rajeev’s colleague and friend, comes to Rajeev with news.

Sam (mocking) : Saar, come, big saar is calling.

Rajeev: Why? What happened? I didn’t screw up again, did I?

Sam: Ha ha ha no idea bro. May the almighty be on your side.

Rajeev: Screw you man. I’m not afraid of him.

Sam: Oh you are a Spartan, we all know that.

Sam walks off with a wide grin.

In reality, Rajeev was terrified of his boss. He nervously walked towards the big man’s cabin.

Rajeev: S s sir!

Boss: Come in Rajeev.

Rajeev walks in nervously, like a guilty student walking into the principal’s office.

Boss: Sit down Rajeev and please give me a couple of minutes.

Rajeev: Of course sir, take your watch.

Boss: What?

Rajeev: <cursing himself> Oh oh I mean take your time.

The boss looked at him like he was some repulsive little insect. Rajeev could just muster a sheepish smile. 

With every minute seeming like an hour, Rajeev just sat there, fidgeting around, wondering what he had done this time around to find an audience with his boss.

Boss: Yes, Rajeev.

Rajeev jumps up and almost falls off the chair, rudely thrown back into reality by the booming voice of the boss.

Boss: Are you okay?

Rajeev: Yes yes, ab ab –solutely.

Boss: So how is everything going on Rajeev?

The boss was smiling.

Rajeev couldn't help but think, "Wait a second! Is he smiling? Have I ever seen him smiling? Am I getting kicked out? Aaah look at the psycho enjoying every moment of the torture".

Boss: Rajeev?

Rajeev: Yes, absolutely sir. I am completing all the work being assigned, I’m working overtime and I’m willing to go that extra mile to serve this organization to the best of my ability.

The last line came directly off the resume.

Boss: Is that so?

Now, that was a confirmation of his fears. The boss did not think so. So the day he had long feared was finally here.

Boss: Rajeev, I know you have been putting in your best but I’m afraid it’s not good enough for this organization. You are being let go.

This is what Rajeev expected the boss to say but instead, this is what he said,

Boss: Rajeev, I am giving you a once in a lifetime opportunity. You are going to present the annual report in front of the board of directors.

Rajeev was left shell shocked.

Boss: Rajeev! Are you okay?

Rajeev: Are you serious?

Boss: If you aren’t comfortable doing it...

Rajeev interrupts, jumps up from his seat and in a rather audaciously loud tone, says

Rajeev: I WILL DO IT.

That was the first time that he actually saw his boss a little shaken up. He was pleasantly surprised and pleased with himself for being able to do that.

Rajeev knew that this was an opportunity of a lifetime and finally he felt his work was recognized. He was over the moon and worked day and night to ensure that the presentation was impeccable.

9:48 AM, Today

After all that preparation and hours of overtime, Rajeev overslept, well not really. Nervous excitement kept him up all night and he could manage to fall asleep only at daybreak.

The presentation was supposed to start at 9:30 and it would take Rajeev at least an hour to get to work.

Rajeev had 2 options now:
     1) Sacrifice job.
     2) Sacrifice personal hygiene.

Personal hygiene, as expected, took the brunt. Wearing half a bottle of cologne on him, Rajeev was all set to go. Late, he still was.

Just as he was about to leave, he gets a phone call from hell – office! He answers it, wondering if it would be his last call.

Turns out devil was on vacation, so it was God instead.

The flight the board members were on had been delayed due to a bomb threat made by some imbecile college students who thought it would be “fun”.  He profusely thanked god and promised he would stop eating non-vegetarian food on Tuesdays and would change his religious views on Facebook from “atheist” to “religious”.

A relieved Rajeev goes back for a much-needed shower, comfortably gets ready, goes through his notes and leaves well before time for his presentation. There wasn’t going to be an anticlimax after all.

He reaches office and goes straight to the conference room. The board meeting was on. What the hell was happening?

Rajeev storms to Sam.

Rajeev: What the hell man! Why didn’t you call me?

Sam: I did!!! Like a gazillion billion times. I couldn’t reach you. The board hired a chartered flight and got here earlier than expected.

Rajeev removes his phone just to see it switched off and almost threw it out the window. Well he would have had the window been open.

A dejected and furious Rajeev walked into the conference room and took his seat in the audience. He felt like the whole world was against him. He was too tired and didn’t care anymore.

Finally, it was time for the annual report, the grand finale. Well, he did care. A LOT! It was too much for Rajeev to take; he just walked out of the hall and out of the office. He went straight home, kept his cell phone switched off and stayed in seclusion the rest of the day.

Unable to keep his mind off the preposterous day that he just had, he decided to have a couple of beers and go to sleep.

Next morning, he wakes up late and decides not to go to office. He orders pizza, watches a couple of movies and stays at home all day. In the evening, he felt like he needed some fresh air, so he heads out for a walk.

He opens the door to find the newspaper still lying there.

Rajeev: Oh damn! I totally forgot about it.

He picks up the newspaper and glances at the headlines.

His eyes go wide, the newspaper falls from his hand and he just stands there motionless. A tear rolls down his eye.
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The headlines read, “Sachin Tendulkar injured, out of the world cup”.

Before you delete me off your friends list or report my blog for mental torture, read on.

Life is full of twists and turns, happiness and disappointment, love and hate but it’s these extreme emotions that keep life from becoming banal and keeps it fun. What is happiness if you aren’t ever sad? What is a pen without ink or a burger without cheese? What happened to Rajeev and why no happy ending?


1) Because this isn't the end. Rajeev would also realize this and would laugh about this day with his friends in a couple of months. Plus a happy ending would have made it too cheesy like a Hindi movie.


2) This is the philosophy of Closeup Fire-Freeze tooth paste which promises to give you two sensations in a single tube. If you have a story to tell too, then write it on Close up's facebook page or as a comment on my blog. Your story will also be up for the competition just like mine and you could win prizes worth 75,000 Rs. Contest ends on 9th February. So what are you waiting for? 

14 comments:

Colours of boulevard said...

Even Shakira gave up :P.. nice post

isha.. said...

hahahaha.... after intense serious dedication of reading it for 5 min and waiting for drastic climax , all I get is "sachin tendulkar injured" :P :P well Thanks for that info!

nice job! I thought you are sharing ur experience under Rajeev's facade

Ashish Kalsi said...

@Colours of boulevard --- thank you :)

@Isha --- ha ha ha that's what my mom thought too ;) and NO Sachin is very much fit and is playing the world cup...it's a work of fiction :)

casturi said...

He profusely thanked god and promised he would stop eating non-vegetarian food on Tuesdays and would change his religious views on Facebook from “atheist” to “religious”.
...................LMAO!!!
Very well written...totally enjoyed it :))))

siddharth said...

hahaha! good narration!

varshaa said...

Even Shakira gave up..haha..was a different ending..gud one Ash !!

Ashish Kalsi said...

@Srujana, Varshaa, Siddhartha --- thank you so much :) :D

ABI said...

At first,i thot rajeev was one of the guys, who works wid u, den i realized its a character and ts a story dat am reading, den i keep reading,expecting sumthing and only 2 read sumthin els..:P well thats how life is.. but guess wut?i would have been happier if rajeev had had a head injury instead of sachin... :P :D ts a total bummer.. :(
the post is a startler wid unexpected twists... good one gogo gharu :D

Ritz.. said...

Really Nice :)))

Please read mine and vote for it if you like :))

http://delectableflavors.blogspot.com/2011/02/convenience-of-escapism.html

Ritz..

Ashish Kalsi said...

@Abi--- ha ha ha thank you...guess it served its purpose :D

@Ritika --- thank you...I will :)

Purba said...

Reality sucks! haan? Loved reading your chuckle-worthy post :)

Ashish Kalsi said...

@Purba --- ha ha ha yeah kinda...thanks :)

Ashish Kalsi said...

@Purba --- ha ha ha yeah kinda...thanks :)

Ashish Kalsi said...

@Colours of boulevard --- thank you :)

@Isha --- ha ha ha that's what my mom thought too ;) and NO Sachin is very much fit and is playing the world cup...it's a work of fiction :)